Back on the Horse

Life whips you into shape. Whenever you find yourself flowing in the wind, with the wind, in a gleeful canter, life says "whoa." It unleashes all the stress, the sorrow, other people's pains and deadlines, theirs wants and needs, complexes and imperfections on you. Whatever it thinks you can bear, you should bear. For freedom is not earned or given. You just take it and own it. You settle into it and never look back. And if you find yourself looking, distracted from just being, that's when you stumble, that's when you might fall. And it's hard, really hard, to get back on the horse.

So beware, be careful. When you are in fact in a gleeful canter, don't look back or down or around. At one point, you might simply not wish to get back on the horse. And that would be the end of a beautiful life you could have had.

Must Feed the Beast

I finally figured out why I haven't been writing, why I've been procrastinating about everything so much.

I haven't been reading. Other than flipping through a very occasional magazine in Turkish, the only thing I've read in the past six months is a booklet on how to buy an oriental carpet.

I'm on vacation in NYC. Today is the first jet-lagged morning and I was able to spend it with yesterday's Sunday New York Times. Pure heaven.

I will finish this post and make a list of what I want to get at Strand later today.

I realize I have to feed the beast.

Without thought-provoking articles written by others, or dialogue's imagined for my entertainment, monologues in which I learn new ways of expressing myself and analyzing others, without the printed word, I seem to lack the inspiration I need to write, to function, to produce. I need to feed the beast and I can't think of a better place to do this in than in NYC, on vacation, for a week.

Procrastination II

Zen Habiter Leo Babauta says "Do less. Get more done." It doesn't work that way with me. The less I have on my plate, the more I procrastinate. Case in point is the book I'm translating. I promised the publisher I would deliver the book on February 15th, 2009.

Yeah.

I'm still working on it.

Actually I'm thinking about working on it. This morning, I had every intention of taking my place in front of the computer by 9:30 am the latest. I made it there at 10 am. Not bad. It's 10:26 am now. I still haven't made it into the folder that is home to the document I'm translating. Oh well. Design and home decor blogs are just so much more interesting. Target's web site is not bad either. In a little while, I might get up to get some tea. Maybe read the paper that was just delivered to my desk. If only I can make it until lunchtime. I might have more energy in the afternoon.

If only I had said no.

I need to learn to say no.